Dating too long

Since sex is what sets marriage apart from all other relationships, normally, I would hope you counsel couples not to wait.

Or at least advise them that they are flying blind and putting their couple-dom at serious risk. A lot of couples don't know whether they are bonded together because of sex or because of actual long-term compatibility.

To this question, I respond that most of the things that are worth achieving in life require us to delay gratification and to prioritize restraint over indulgence in more primitive drives.

Recall Walter Mischel's marshmallow study which showed the value of the ability to delay gratification.* Mischel offered a group of four year-old children one large, puffy marshmallow but told them all that if they would wait for him to run an errand, they could have not one, but two, lovely marshmallows.

I think the wait is to ensure compatibility in realms beyond the bedroom. Where is YOUR statistical proof that arranged marriages can and do work?On the flip side, it’s quite heady stuff to be told that you are the person a soldier holds in his or her heart amidst the chaos of war.In this case, a much longer courtship may be necessary if you want to make a good decision.Some marital experts would argue that two years is a good amount of time to wait.If you are looking for a general rule of thumb, then two years is probably a good length of time for most people, but I don’t personally favor any hard-and-fast rule about how long a courtship should be.

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